You're on the team, Anthony

With a promise that we'll get him one of those jumpsuits and hang-gliding is part of the plan, Anthony Adams joins Adam Archuleta in the Bears' 2007 free-agent class.

As far as defensive tackles go, Adams isn't much more stout than Luke Wilson. But he's light on his feet, has got good cardio, and he's not rehabbing or in jail, which fills a gaping need on the Bears' defensive line. This likely ends any thought of re-signing Ian Scott. Alfonso Boone has signed with Kansas City.

Adams is a 26-year-old 2nd-rounder out of Penn State. On the skeptical side, San Francisco had tons of cap room and didn't want Adams back. On the optimistic side, Adams started all 16 games for the 49ers in 2005, before starting only 5 in 2006 as the 49ers played more 3-4. If it was mostly a philosphical difference that caused his departure from San Francisco, the undersized Adams (6", 299) would figure to be a fit for Lovie's no-loaf defense. He was 25th on ESPN's free-agent list, so that's something.

Coincidentally or not, the signing comes amid the owners' meetings, where it's being speculated that the Bears' incarcerated defensive tackle will have the Roger Goodell book thrown at him to the tune of an 8-game suspension.

Another rumor from the meetings
That rumor from the meetings sounds a lot more likely than the one that says Lance Briggs's people are talking to the Bears' people. The sides were spotted talking, which is odd considering how little they have to talk about, except for a long-term deal.

I failed to report last week's stop on the Lance Briggs Sound of My Own Voice tour. Lance hadn't called NFL Network yet, so he appeared on Rod Woodson's show. Woodson threw an ad-lib into Briggs's monologue and told Lance that his suggestion would be to "ball up" for the good of his corporation, Lance Briggs Inc. He reminded Lance that the franchise tag is part of the business and the Bears could use it again next season.

Briggs and Rosenhaus answered that they were in trade talks with a number of teams. Two of the three teams they named, including Seattle, said within seconds that there's absolutely no truth to that and they have no idea what Rosenhaus is talking about.

Bad rumoring
Earlier today, ESPN and several local outlets reported that the Bears had signed Steeler safety Tyrone Carter to 3-year contract. I couldn't stop thinking about whether they're truly poising themsevles to cut ties with Mike Brown (perhaps after offering a pay cut). This has been speculated since the Archuleta signing. Archuleta himself says incredulously that he's no backup. He doesn't know what the depth chart looks like, but alls he knows is he's always been a starter in this league and doesn't know why he wouldn't be now.

OK, Arch. We're all on your side ... now. Before I could finish thinking about Mike Brown and the jersey hanging in my closet, Tyrone Carter signed with the Steelers. That's some good police work. Bake em away, toys. Unless the rumor was pulled out of thin air, however, it sounds like the Bears are still trying to stockpile more safeties.

Now we're talking
In the most exciting and positive move of the offseason, the Bears re-signed Ruben Brown to a one-year deal for $2.2 million, hence keeping the offensive line together again.

Ruben's answer to whether he could have gotten more was "When you get to be 35, teams start looking at you funny." My mom always said when you get to be 35 without a ring on your finger, everyone looks at you funny, and you're probably gay.

If only there were more like Ruben. I heard him this morning, once Sean Salisbury was done bragging about how much money he won on the basketball games, and Ruben loves being on the gang. Called Kreutz a hall of famer, which is silly, but you can seen why they love Rube back.

I almost vomicked when Salisbury kept jabbing Steve Rosenbloom (when's recent ESPN 1000 acquisition Tommy Waddle taking his spot anyway?) with his choad in shouting what's it's like for "guys who spent so many years in this league, like me and Ruben, to be on the losing end of a Super Bowl." Yeah, Salisbury's an expert on that.

Once Ruben was off the air, Rosenbloom tried to measure back up by taunting that his Harley's bigger that Salisbury's. That's great radio, a couple sleazebags swinging their mid-life crises about. But I have to say, Trey Wingo was hosting a show later and he could give Morons 1 & 2 a run for their money on smug assholism.

Anyways, adding Archuleta, Adams, and Brown adds some intrigue as to what the Bears will do on draft day. They're moving right down the checklist of obvious needs, which should help draft day be a zesty enterprise. Sometimes the left tackle of the future that you need isn't in the pool and the best available athlete is Devin Hester. A Devin Hester. The Devin Hester.

Opener closer
Ron Rivera's eye twitched a little today when the NFL announced its kickoff weekend plans. The Thursday night opener will represent the best of times and the worst of times for Ron Rivera. He spent a couple weeks interviewing for dream jobs between licking the Saints and being beaten down by the Colts. Now he'll watch the two square off, while he falls asleep in his recliner and game-plans just the linebackers for the opener against the Bears 3 days later.

I think it looks like this:
Merriman --> steroid store ----> Grossman ---> ball ----> hizzouse